Planks and Splinters

I’ve had a lot of years, even decades, filled with joy and life.

The past twelve months have been more about difficulties and death, such as finally losing my dad in February after a long battle with Alzheimer’s, almost losing Mike’s mom in the spring of ‘21, having her move in with us and now her passing on June 24, 2022, just a couple of weeks after taking her on her dream cruise to Alaska.

It’s been quite a year.

As I’ve been reflecting on death, I’ve been examining my own heart. I have heard a lot of Christians through the years talk about how fearful they are of their loved ones not going to heaven because they haven’t gone to church or prayed the sinner’s prayer.

I used to have that same fear, until I started scratching the surface of learning just how big God’s love is.

Knowing how much I love my own kids and grandkids, and that I would do anything, absolutely anything to ensure their safety and salvation, and then coming to the understanding that my love is a drop in a bucket compared to God’s ocean of love.

This week I’ve been asking myself, “Who do I really want in heaven?” And the answer made me realize I have a long way to go before I love like God loves.

How much time do we spend deciding who is worthy of salvation? Hitler is usually where most of us draw the line…surely you can’t torture and kill millions and still be forgiven! Yet as I get older and think more about my own expiration date, I remember Jesus’s words more often.

““Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Matthew 7:1-2

Do I want to be judged according to how I judge? I better quit judging then! In fact, if I am to be more like Jesus, shouldn’t I want everyone, every one, to experience salvation? If I am holding even an ounce of hate in my heart for another, I am not loving like Jesus does. He who hung on a cross and begged, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Do I always know what I’m doing and why? Will I want to try to justify my actions when I stand before God or will I fall to my knees weeping, or just simply run into his arms?

Back to the previous question, who do I really WANT in heaven? If the answer is anything but “everything and everyone,” I am not loving enough.

I am not loving like God loves.

So maybe I need to read the next few verses of Matthew 7 and make them my focus instead of worrying about anyone else’s salvation.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Matthew 7:3-5

Remember, if we feel afraid for our loved ones, fear is never of God. We must pray, for them and for ourselves. We must focus on loving ourselves and others better each day.

There will never come a day in this lifetime when I love as perfectly as God does…so that means the plank in my eye will always be there as I live and breathe, which means I will never have time to worry about someone else’s splinter!

Transformation over Transaction

I just attended the funeral of a friend gone much too soon. One of the scripture passages read really got me thinking. In Matthew 20:1-16 Jesus tells the parable of the landowner who hires workers for the vineyard at different times of the day yet pays them all the same amount. The workers who were hired first are upset they weren’t paid more than the others and the landowner answers “are you envious because I’m generous?”

This got me thinking about us Christians who have spent a lot of time trying to do what’s right, going often to church, giving our energy to others, and making choices we think God would be proud of. We then sometimes focus our attention on others who may or may not be “living in the light” and we worry about their standing with God.

Is that really our job? When we look at someone else’s life and assess it, doesn’t that qualify as judging? We are so good at fooling ourselves that we believe our assessment of others is out of concern for them, but it often helps us feel better about our own position.

God loves the world and everyone and everything in it much more than we do, and God sees our righteousness as “filthy rags.” No one, not one of us is better than another in God’s eyes. Believer or not, God sees us and loves us equally. While we may feel secure in our acknowledgement of God’s sovereignty in our lives, we need to remember humility. Only God knows the heart of a person, and religion has nothing to do with it. He is capable of saving all without my help or even my opinion, so maybe I should concentrate more on loving the way God loves.

Do I even want everyone to be saved? It’s an honest question. Do I want people who have been horrible on earth to be equal with me in heaven? Shouldn’t they get punished? I’ve seen so many awful FB posts by proclaimed Christians clamoring for public executions of criminals. Does God rejoice in our hatred of others?

Truth is, I am much like the workers in Jesus’s parable who were hired early in the day, I’m upset others who might not be working as long or as hard as me will get the same reward. I’m also ready to cry “not fair!” when God forgives someone who I see as unforgivable.

That’s because our way of thinking is based on transaction, not transformation. We’re always calculating, measuring, and building hierarchical lists. God’s thinking is based on love. This is why we must be “transformed by the renewing of our minds,” instead of conforming to our old patterns of transactions and hierarchy. It’s a daily struggle, and can only happen when love rules our hearts and minds.

Love cancels judgement and desires redemption for all. There is no fear when we love like God loves, therefore I don’t need to worry about others’ salvation, I just need to love them the way that God loves us all.

As I Am

I have been alone for the first time I can remember, for the past 42 hours. I haven’t even seen another person, or had a dog to take care of and cuddle, and I was nervous to have this experience, but I must say it has really been wonderful. To have no responsibilities, no responses, just to be. I have been praying out loud a lot, sitting on the porch looking out at the glistening lake, conversing with my dearest friend, confidant, mentor, my God. I’ve realized how I avoid this in my day to day existence because every time I pray I cry, and who wants to cry all the time? How can I, just me, be in the presence of the almighty God and not cry?? It’s not possible! My tears are of gratitude, reverence, relief, and of course grief. I spill my heart out and feel heard, accepted, loved.

I’ve finished three books, written a song for my second graders, cleaned the whole house, gone on walks, enjoyed listening to the birds, watched a chipmunk collect things and a very large woodchuck investigate the deck. I can be alone, it’s good to truly have time to just be. I’m such an extrovert that I am always interacting and relating to others, dogs included! I seriously didn’t know what it would feel like to be alone for more than a few hours. It’s good. The main thought I keep telling myself is “There are no supposed to’s. If you want to pray, pray. If you want to read, read. Don’t do anything because it’s what you think you should do.” This is much harder than it sounds. Even as I was unplugging from my usual world, I began making new rules for myself. “You should spend this time in complete solitude and prayer…you should treat this time as a vow of silence and discipline.” When I realized I was making myself feel tense and uncomfortable I knew I was wrong. As I’ve prayed, God has given me the gift of acceptance as I am. I have tried to only do what I want in every moment. I listened to two sermons, one on Abigail the peacemaker, King David’s first wife, and the other on the crucifixion of Christ. Both were equally lovely and gave me new thought. I had more confirmation through the books I’ve read, the sermons I’ve listened to, and especially my prayer time, that “God so loves the world.” As is…God loves, God grieves, God gives. Jesus died for the whole world, whether the world knows it or not. Atonement is for all. Forgiveness is beautiful but is not enough. Forgiveness does not undo what has been done…it does not fix the pain or the past. Atonement transforms…it makes all that is wrong right again. Christ’s blood has undone Adam’s sin. Unfortunately we Christians really struggle with the comprehension of this amazing gift and continue to exhaust ourselves striving to be perfect and to atone for ourselves. We miss the beauty of salvation.

I can say as I’ve been sitting here on the porch with my glass of wine raised to my God of redemption, I have felt freedom and joy in my being. Knowing my humanness has not left me, I will feel the burden of perfection again and will need to be reminded I am free in Christ…I am loved, accepted and celebrated by God AS I AM…and so are you.

I Can Only Imagine

I saw the movie I Can Only Imagine and felt so many emotions. Anger, rage, self righteous judgement, frustration, and finally unadulterated raw sadness. At first I was angry with Dennis Quaid’s character. For anyone to have such internal hate and rage and take it out on a child and wife is horrific, and I felt a surge of hate towards him. Then I realized, to God, my hate is no different than his. He is God’s child every bit as much as me, and God knows every hurt that penetrated his core, spawning that rage inside of him. What a beautiful reminder of redemption, restoration! No matter who we are, where we’ve been, what we’ve done, we cannot escape the love and forgiveness of God.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:38-39‬ ‭

His grace is sufficient. We don’t need to earn it, we can’t. It is given freely to all. Unfortunately those of us who have grown up in the church with loving parents aren’t able to understand that kind of grace. If your most evil transgression is lying about whether or not you ate your brother’s Easter candy(sorry Scott), then you’re not going to have quite the wonderment of grace that the prodigal son had. I tend to identify with the brother who stayed home and did what he was supposed to do. God’s grace is truly beyond my comprehension. His love is greater than my understanding.

Brennan Manning understood that grace and wrote about it in The Ragamuffin Gospel. When I read that book, I finally had a glimpse through someone else’s experience and it broke down all my barriers of etiquette, supposed to’s, and civilized emotions. God’s Love and Grace aren’t fair. In fact, they’re wildly inappropriate! That God will seek us out to the ends of the earth no matter where we are, who we’re with, what we’ve done, and pick us up, cradle us and let us weep exhaustedly in His arms…now that’s crazy grace. I’ll take it!

In the true story of I Can Only Imagine, Bart Millard of the Christian band Mercy Me, desperately struggles with forgiving his dad, played by Dennis Quaid. His father is an angry, frustrated man who abuses his wife and son until he accepts God’s grace and becomes the dad Bart always wanted. Those of us who have known someone completely transformed by God’s forgiveness have a better understanding of the power of God’s grace. I’ll never forget a phone call I received 20 years ago from someone I love who was a professed atheist and had found himself in rehab. He told me he met a friend of mine, someone I’d known all my life. I thought he meant a friend from high school till he said, “I met Jesus.” I fell on my knees in tears. Jesus met him without my evangelizing and preaching and saving?? Jesus met him on His terms, not mine, and I’m so grateful! I watched his life completely change as he gave everything to God, as he put all his trust in our Redeemer. That’s the kind of crazy grace that transforms lives and can change the world. I’ve seen it and this movie reminded me of its power. It’s definitely worth seeing but take a box of Kleenex.

 

Good Tidings of Great Joy

I remember believing in Santa. It was the most thrilling and somewhat scary thought that he knew everything I said and did and would soon be coming down our chimney with presents. I never wanted to sit on the mall Santa’s lap. It was obvious the real Santa was too busy to visit malls, though I so appreciated he found the time to do his television special with KAKE-man and later, ToyBoy, each year. When the real Santa is in his workshop on TV, it becomes crystal clear all the store Santas are imposters.

I’ll never forget when I was 9 yrs old, a friend of mine dragged me into the bathroom of her house to tell me Santa wasn’t real. I remember my heart beating rapidly, my hands feeling clammy, and my stomach feeling sick. I’ve never truly gotten over it. I guess that’s why I love the Ghost of Christmas Present so much in Dicken’s A Christmas Carol. He’s completely the epitome of Santa and he’s not a physical being, so wherever there’s a spirit of love, joy, laughter, and Christmas, I think of him!

This brings me to the inspiration of Santa, the basis of The Ghost of Christmas Present, and everything that relates to joy, hope, love, and redemption. “For God so loved the world He sent His only son…” “and they wrapped Him in swaddling cloths and laid Him in a manger.”

How ridiculous. The whole world filled with complications, regrets, tragedies, selfishness, and utter despair, hangs its hope on a helpless infant sleeping where the horses and cows fed? Outrageous. Preposterous. It’s simply not sophisticated enough. Where’s the complexity? A baby? No riches? No manipulations? No power?
And this all leads to His death on a cross, misunderstood, rejected, overlooked…wait a minute, isn’t that the human condition?

God came and felt His own abandonment, completely ignored by the masses. His mission was to be the Savior of all, whether or not anyone noticed. This is incredibly anti-human…which is one significant reason why I still believe, though the only proof I have is the mysterious bread crumbs I have collected along the path that I’ve been following in search of this loving God who inspired Dickens to write his brilliant story of redemption and St Nicholas to give all that he had to those in need. “For behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all people. Unto you is born this day a Savior, ‘tis Christ the Lord.”

“He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭53:2-6‬ ‭