Thought for the Day

EnneaThought® for the Day(from The Enneagram Institute)

Type Four EnneaThought®

Universal Inner Work insight: When we are working on ourselves, we may feel compassionate and strong, patient and wise, indomitable and of great value. This is who we actually are. It is the “I” beyond name, without personality—our True Nature. (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 37)

I rarely feel the above. Two days ago I did in its fullest. I was with my tribe of women, we call our group Tipsy Talks(you know who you are), and somebody mentioned how my boys struggled with the degree of emotions I had as they were growing up. I felt nothing but love and compassion and acceptance. Yes! My boys suffered some trauma from my emotional outbursts. I’m sorry they did, and I can’t do anything to correct it. I’m glad they still realize how much I love them, have always loved them.

As a deep feeler, I must say, what a beautiful feeling it is to own the truth of who I am. I am a flawed human. I have deeply hurt those I love most. I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve added to your already burdened life. AND…I know it was the best I could do in the moment. I love you and am striving for better every day.

As we talked more about it I was able to rationally think through the emotions I threw onto my kids and just thank God I didn’t yell profanity or physically abuse them in any way. Sheesh. Life is hard. Motherhood is impossible. Yet somehow we do it anyway.

I of course wish I could’ve been a perfect mom. We know this is unattainable. I’m so glad I was a loving mom. My boys know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love them no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. Am I still over-emotional? Yep. I’m thankful I’m surrounded by people who love me anyway AND I’m still working on loving and accepting myself so my emotions don’t end up exploding onto others.

Mental and emotional growth can be measured by our acceptance of reality. As we learn to own our pain and our failings objectively we can then let go of them and move forward. When we deny our faults and mistakes we also deny our growth and the potential intimacy we can experience with our loved ones.

This is why I love the Enneagram. The deeper we study the more we learn that our number can be the false self we hide behind. As we learn our true nature and begin to accept ourselves the way the Divine does, our greatest weaknesses become our greatest strengths. (And if you haven’t guessed, this is why I used the ugliest most honest picture of me I could find. That’s me at my core. And I love her just the way she is😂)