More

The Divine exasperates me.

They know more than I do, They love more, They try harder, They’re more patient and kind and forgiving blah blah blah.

I WANT to be more like Them.

I WANT to love unconditionally, always hope, always believe, always trust. AND

experience has taught me to question, to hold back, to judge, to walk away.

Sometimes experience is right.

And, sometimes it keeps me from growing.

I’m learning to question my questions and analyze my skepticism. Is it worthy? Is it justified?

Or has it become cynicism?

Has it become a defense and shield against vulnerability? Against love?

This is the goal of consciousness. To live in the present by understanding the past and shaping the future…not of the whole world but of myself.

I am in charge of what I fix my mind on, what I want to learn, what I read, what I watch, what I think about. I will think more on these things. I will continue to try to be better and to learn from those who have gone before me. I will keep striving for more while accepting and loving who I am right now.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8