Worthy

I know we’ve all felt this way.

That feeling when you meet someone and even spend some time around them and you just feel out of place, out of sync. No matter what you say or do, no matter how hard you try to sound relaxed and chill, they just seem to, not like you.

I HATE not being liked. I’ve spent years tap dancing and hoop jumping just to make people like me…sometimes for people I don’t even like. That’s some serious codependency. Sheesh.

I guess the way I need to look at it now is, I must be becoming my real self since I’m experiencing more rejection. None of us can please everyone at once. The more authentic we become, the more moments like the above we’ll have. So I guess at 54 I’m finally more me which means more people won’t like me because I’m not trying to be someone they like. That’s a good spin on something that makes me feel uncomfortable. To be honest, my feelings are hurt. I remember feeling this way clear back in preschool when Susan and her best friend didn’t want to play with me. I was confused, sad, wounded, and all of that turned into anger. I found another friend and the two of us formed our own clique and pretended Susan didn’t matter and we were cooler than her.

Except it still hurts. I want to be liked. I want to be loved. I want to be heard and understood. I want to be worth the time and effort to get to know. Don’t we all?

Funny thing is, I can almost guarantee others have felt the same kind of judgment from me, and I am so sorry. I will try to be more conscious of how I treat others. I don’t want to ever contribute to someone else’s feelings of insignificance. I am no more or less special than any one. We are all equally important and valuable. We are all worthy.