Vulnerability

I am a mentor to a student at my school. He has experienced a lot of tragedy and sadness in his short life and doesn’t smile a lot. I decided one of my greatest goals with him is to lighten his load, make him laugh, share some joy! We’ve started a gratitude list, shared pizza a few times, and played kick ball with a soccer pillow in my room. Today I knew he was feeling comfortable with me because he asked me to tie his shoe and when I began to do so he deliberately farted. I dramatically held my breath and acted like I was going to die and he laughed hard and long. I didn’t think much about it.

Until tonight.

I was driving home from dinner, having an emotional moment, speaking aloud to God.

“Why can’t we smell with our noses without collecting boogers? Why can’t we eat incredible foods without the nasty aftermath? Why can’t there be beauty without ugliness? Don’t You get tired of it all? Especially decaying and death…. Doesn’t it get OLD???”

I then said aloud “I guess death has its own beauty. Death is vulnerability.”

That hit my heart.

I saw it in my dad.

I saw it in my mother in law.

Their lives were lived with shields out and swords drawn, so vulnerability wasn’t easily seen until they were dying.

My mind immediately contrasted that with the way my sweet mama has lived her life, showing her heart, being vulnerable day by day as she lives. I thanked God for her and decided I needed Siri to write my thoughts down for a future blog post. I said very distinctly and articulately, “Death is vulnerability.”

Siri interpreted, “Gas is vulnerability.” At this point I just knew my dad was messing with me. I’d been talking to him earlier about how much I missed him and how much I’ve struggled. I’ve been hyper focused on trying to do what’s right and figuring out my entire life’s purpose.

(I also recently had a coyote sighting on a walk, and felt there was a spiritual meaning. Shortly after the encounter, I dreamed of coyotes, which I’ve since learned can mean I need to lighten up and shake things up a bit. Coyotes are tricksters and unpredictable.)

Maybe I don’t need to be so serious all of the time. Maybe I don’t need to constantly think of death and whether or not I’m fulfilling my life’s purpose. Maybe my student isn’t the only one that needs to lighten up.

Yes death is vulnerability.

But frankly so is gas.

My dictation: Death is vulnerability. Ha ha, ha ha, daddy you did that! Oh ha, ha ha ha ha ha oh, daddy, death is vulnerability, death death!

Siri’s interpretation(or King Jon’s): Gas is vulnerability. Ha ha ha ha ha you did that. Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha oh daddy yes is vulnerability. Yes Jasper!